“Huh? Oh, boy! A fan letter!” she shrieked excitedly and she hurriedly ripped open the envelop. She took out the letter and proceeded to read it. “WHAAAATTTT!!!??? Oh, no! We're being sued by ONION! The Organized Nerds Internationale – Order of Nigel! I don't know who this Nigel is but his Order must be good at this sort of stuff. It even has its own letterhead and logo! What are we going to do now!? Waaaaaahhhhh!!!!!”
Chibi Mallet Girl began to bawl like a snotty, little kid, copious amounts of tears flying into the air, a veritable fountain of salty despair.
But her outburst was over quicker than it had started and she was instantly back to perky, cheerful self. “Ah, well,” she said, tossing the letter aside. “We'll let Mallet Girl handle this sort of stuff. I'm pretty sure she'll have no problems whatsoever dealing with ONION using her feminine wiles and charms. They'll be like putty in her hands. Wink-wink!”
Cupping an ear with her right hand, she then exclaimed, “Oh, say! Do you hear that? I think somebody's coming. Why, if it isn't Uber Chibi Mally!”
She reached behind her with her left hand and whipped out a small Mallet Girl hand puppet.
“Natto-natto-natto!” the hand puppet went.
“Hallo, Uber Chibi Mally! How's it going?”
“Katsudon!” came the quick and lively reply. “Pecan peach pie sugar. Mango cheese tofu tea salad.”
Chibi Mallet Girl nodded in response. “Very interesting, Uber Chibi Mally. Speaking of interesting, that was quite the interesting chapter we just had, wouldn't you say?”
“Uh...” Uber Chibi Mallet Girl paused and slowly turned to look up at her. “.....banana?”
“Oh, of course, it was!” Chibi Mallet Girl said. “Weren't you watching? It was so interesting I was simply rivetted! And action-packed, too! Mallet Girl sure went to town on those Nerds.”
“Ham-ham-ham-ham-ham!” Uber Chibi Mallet Girl chuckled.
“Oh, those poor, poor Nerds! I mean, she really stomped them good.” Chibi Mallet Girl sighed. “Ah, well. As Grampa Jenkins always used to say, there's more where they came from! Hah! And now that we've gotten one chapter down, I thought it only appropriate to introduce and talk about the cast. The Mallet Girl Family!”
“Wasabiiii!” Uber Chibi Mallet Girl exclaimed very excitedly, waving side to side with arms outstretched.
“Yes! The Mallet Girl Family! All of you guys out there are, of course, already quite familiar with who Mallet Girl is. She's the main character and star of this show after all. And you've gotten a quick look five of her friends: Jenna, Mark, George, Danielle, and Roseanne.”
“But, you know,” Chibi Mallet Girl continued, “there are many more members in the Mallet Girl Family. Let's see...there's Grampa Jenkins, of course, who's al Gramma Jenkins on occasion but we're not supposed to talk about that. Oops. And then there's Sheila, the boobsy girl waitress. And Pappy, the Papaya-Rama-Lama Llama. And Cousin Larry. And his distant relative Cousin Balky. And Alby, the albino hobo who lives in that old telephone booth across the street. And then there's Jeremy the Modem Kid. Foul Boy McCoy. And Mallet Mutt. Oh, and let us not forget Alias Uno, Mallet Girl's trusty sidekick. What a hunk! He's definitely my favorite.”
Chibi Mallet Girl reached behind her with her free hand and whipped out a framed photograph of Alias Uno. “See? Ain't he a cutie?”
As could be seen in the photograph, Alias Uno was a green-eyed man in his late twenties. He was possessed of a slim but muscular built and spiky, dirty blond hair. He had on dark, round aviator goggles, which he had pulled up to his forehead. His dark, charcoal grey turtleneck sweater had an extra-long collar that covered the lower half of his face, from the tip of the nose down. A black canvas belt of velco purses strapped over his shoulder and across his chest completed his ensemble.
“Choco raisin brussel sprouts!” cooed Uber Chibi Mallet Girl.
Chibi Mallet Girl couldn't help it any longer and proceeded to shower the photograph with sweet, wet kisses. But she quickly caught herself.
“Whoopsy! Heh-heh-heh.” She grinned sheepishly. “Sorry about that!”
She then coughed and cleared her throat in an attempt to regain what modicum of composure she could. “Ahem. We'll have more on sweetie-kins in a moment. But first, I'd like to talk about Jenna. Say hello to the viewers, Jenna!”
The scene then panned to the right to reveal Jenna seated on a tall bar stool. She was still decked all in black, from her long overcoat to her red-trimmed corset all the way down to her combat boots. She was puffing on a lit black stick of cigarette. Leaving the cigarette in her mouth, she flicked her hand in greeting. “Yo!” she said.
“Now Jenna here,” Chibi Mallet Girl stated, “is not only Mallet Girl's childhood friend but her business partner as well. Jenna and Mallet Girl are co-owners of Queen of Hearts Delivery and Bounty Hunter Agency. Jenna handles all the office work while Mallet Girl, with the aid of her trusty sidekick sweetie-kins, I mean, Alias Uno, handles all the actual delivery and bounty-hunting jobs.”
“And I wouldn't have it any other way,” Jenna commented. “That arrangement not only gets Mally out of my hair for hours on end but I would never trust that girl with a stapler, let alone the filing cabinet. And I shudder to think what havoc she could wreak with the paper shredder.” She flicked the cigarette away after taking one las heavy drag. “Way back in nursery school, Mally stayed in school after classes once to help the teacher clean up the art supply. Sigh. Mrs. Anderson was never the same again. To this day, I still don't know how paste could explode like that.”
“Wow!” Chibi Mallet Girl exclaimed. “Mallet Girl's amazing!”
“Turnip tart!” agreed Uber Chibi Mallet Girl.
Jenna didn't say anything else but simply lit herself another black cigarette.
Showing posts with label mallet girl family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mallet girl family. Show all posts
Sunday, July 19, 2020
Friday, July 10, 2020
PAGE 19 TO PAGE 21
There was a surprised cry and then a crash followed by a howl of pain.
“Now then,” the waitress said cheerfully. “I'm Mally and I'll be your waitress this evening. If you're looking for Sheila and I don't really blame you if you are cuz, man, the boobs on the girl, I mean, dang! Well she called in sick, I'm afraid. Frankly speaking though, just between you and me, I think she's just playing nookie. Wait, or was that hooky?” She shook her head. “Anyways, I think she's gone to the pie-eating contest. I mean, who wouldn't? Pies are great! Why, if only I'd know about it sooner, you know, I wouldn't have agreed to fill in for her and I'd be at the Pie-Pie Emporium myself this very moment. Sigh!”
The poor Bond Nerd was frozed stiff, his countenance ashen. His eyes were wide open, veritable saucers upon his shocked, distorted face.
It was her. That Mallet Girl cosplayer. All dressed now in a cute waitress uniform.
It was her. She even had a small, smiling mallet drawn on her name tag.
It was her! He thought he had gotten away but it was all a lie! A lie! It was simply too much for his already over-stressed heart.
“So what can I getcha?” Mallet Girl asked.
But for the answer, there came none. Clutching his chest tightly, the Bond Nerd keeled over ever so slowly. Silently, he slid off the stool and fell on the floor with a dull thud.
Mallet girl leaned over the counter to look down on him. “Hey, buddy, you okay?”
No answer. Not even a sound did he make. The Bond Nerd didn't move at all and he was starting to froth at the mouth.
“Oh, dear,” Mallet Girl went. “Does this mean I won't be getting any tip? Aw, man. And I was gonna complement you on your looks, too. You must be a celebrity or something cuz you look awfully familiar.”
No actual nerds were killed in this chapter. Maimed? Yes. Hospitalized? Yes. Terrified to within an inch of their life? Yes. Beate, bashed, broken, and stomped? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But killed? No.
No actual nerds were killed OR hurt in any way whatsoever in this chapter. Any violence thus depicted was just a figment of the author's twistedly sick sense of humor and imagination. He is currently receiving treatment as per the orders of the court.
Incidentaly, it will be some time yet before the next chapter is written and thus presented for your enjoyment. We here at Junkyard Press beg your pardon and patient consideration.
In the meantime, please enjoy this lovely elevator music rendition of the heavy metal band Goat The Sequel's new hit single “Sticky Love For Bleeding Orifice”.
Jake's Assorted Junk Thrift Mall. At least, according to the rusted, faded, hand-painted sign hanging on the wire fence with barbed wire coiled at the top, just beside the front gates.
The place was actually known to the residents of the fair city as the Axion Plus Junkyard. Or App-J for short. It was the biggest junkyard in Axion Plus City, located just outside the city proper but still well within the city limits.
In the light of the full moon, an old television set with bent rabbit ears antenna lay at the summit of the tallest mountain of assorted junk at the center of the main yard, surrounded by a maze of pile up, old, broken down cars. The television switched on by itself. The screen showed nothing but static at first, a thick flurry of electric snow. Then the television set quieted down and show a blank white screen.
For a moment there was silence, save for the faint sounds of various heavy machinery in the distance.
The television screen flickered and then...
“Howdy-howdy-howdy!” A pint-sized version of Mallet Girl but with a rather over-sized head popped into view, waving her right hand in greeting. “It's me! Chibi Mally!” She nodded. “Chibi Mally! Yep! That's my name and don't you forget it!”
“I'm just like Mallet Girl,” she continued, balancing a red croquet ball on the tip of her right index finger whilst spinning a wooden mallet like a cheerleader's baton with her other hand, “only much more adorable.”
“Hey!” a voice protested from off-screen. It was Mallet Girl.
“Now, now, Mallet Girl,” a man's voice replied. “You can't inflict bodily harm on Chibi Mallet Girl just yet. We still haven't finished paying for her yet and we're still waiting for news on her insurance application.”
“Whoopsy!” Chibi Mallet Girl let out an embarassed giggle. “I though she had left already.”
“You can't treat me like this!” Mallet Girl cried. “I'm the star of this show! I'm leaving!”
There were sounds of foot steps followed by a door creaking open and then slamming shut.
Chibi Mallet Girl waited for a couple of moments to make sure that Mallet Girl wasn't coming back. “Whew!” she said then. “For a minute there, I was afraid she was gonna go ballistic again. She can be quite the spoiled, violent diva, that girl.” She nodded knowingly, with her eyes closed.
Suddenly, a shrill whistle sounded. A badly pixelated, diminutive mailman marched across the screen; so terribly and choppily animated was he, just like the video game characters of yore. He handed Chibi Mallet Girl a small, white envelop, tipped his hat, and then marched off the screen.
“Now then,” the waitress said cheerfully. “I'm Mally and I'll be your waitress this evening. If you're looking for Sheila and I don't really blame you if you are cuz, man, the boobs on the girl, I mean, dang! Well she called in sick, I'm afraid. Frankly speaking though, just between you and me, I think she's just playing nookie. Wait, or was that hooky?” She shook her head. “Anyways, I think she's gone to the pie-eating contest. I mean, who wouldn't? Pies are great! Why, if only I'd know about it sooner, you know, I wouldn't have agreed to fill in for her and I'd be at the Pie-Pie Emporium myself this very moment. Sigh!”
The poor Bond Nerd was frozed stiff, his countenance ashen. His eyes were wide open, veritable saucers upon his shocked, distorted face.
It was her. That Mallet Girl cosplayer. All dressed now in a cute waitress uniform.
It was her. She even had a small, smiling mallet drawn on her name tag.
It was her! He thought he had gotten away but it was all a lie! A lie! It was simply too much for his already over-stressed heart.
“So what can I getcha?” Mallet Girl asked.
But for the answer, there came none. Clutching his chest tightly, the Bond Nerd keeled over ever so slowly. Silently, he slid off the stool and fell on the floor with a dull thud.
Mallet girl leaned over the counter to look down on him. “Hey, buddy, you okay?”
No answer. Not even a sound did he make. The Bond Nerd didn't move at all and he was starting to froth at the mouth.
“Oh, dear,” Mallet Girl went. “Does this mean I won't be getting any tip? Aw, man. And I was gonna complement you on your looks, too. You must be a celebrity or something cuz you look awfully familiar.”
CHAPTER DISCLAIMER
No actual nerds were killed in this chapter. Maimed? Yes. Hospitalized? Yes. Terrified to within an inch of their life? Yes. Beate, bashed, broken, and stomped? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But killed? No.
CHAPTER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER
No actual nerds were killed OR hurt in any way whatsoever in this chapter. Any violence thus depicted was just a figment of the author's twistedly sick sense of humor and imagination. He is currently receiving treatment as per the orders of the court.
Incidentaly, it will be some time yet before the next chapter is written and thus presented for your enjoyment. We here at Junkyard Press beg your pardon and patient consideration.
In the meantime, please enjoy this lovely elevator music rendition of the heavy metal band Goat The Sequel's new hit single “Sticky Love For Bleeding Orifice”.
INTERLUDE -- MEET THE FAMILY
Jake's Assorted Junk Thrift Mall. At least, according to the rusted, faded, hand-painted sign hanging on the wire fence with barbed wire coiled at the top, just beside the front gates.
The place was actually known to the residents of the fair city as the Axion Plus Junkyard. Or App-J for short. It was the biggest junkyard in Axion Plus City, located just outside the city proper but still well within the city limits.
In the light of the full moon, an old television set with bent rabbit ears antenna lay at the summit of the tallest mountain of assorted junk at the center of the main yard, surrounded by a maze of pile up, old, broken down cars. The television switched on by itself. The screen showed nothing but static at first, a thick flurry of electric snow. Then the television set quieted down and show a blank white screen.
For a moment there was silence, save for the faint sounds of various heavy machinery in the distance.
The television screen flickered and then...
“Howdy-howdy-howdy!” A pint-sized version of Mallet Girl but with a rather over-sized head popped into view, waving her right hand in greeting. “It's me! Chibi Mally!” She nodded. “Chibi Mally! Yep! That's my name and don't you forget it!”
“I'm just like Mallet Girl,” she continued, balancing a red croquet ball on the tip of her right index finger whilst spinning a wooden mallet like a cheerleader's baton with her other hand, “only much more adorable.”
“Hey!” a voice protested from off-screen. It was Mallet Girl.
“Now, now, Mallet Girl,” a man's voice replied. “You can't inflict bodily harm on Chibi Mallet Girl just yet. We still haven't finished paying for her yet and we're still waiting for news on her insurance application.”
“Whoopsy!” Chibi Mallet Girl let out an embarassed giggle. “I though she had left already.”
“You can't treat me like this!” Mallet Girl cried. “I'm the star of this show! I'm leaving!”
There were sounds of foot steps followed by a door creaking open and then slamming shut.
Chibi Mallet Girl waited for a couple of moments to make sure that Mallet Girl wasn't coming back. “Whew!” she said then. “For a minute there, I was afraid she was gonna go ballistic again. She can be quite the spoiled, violent diva, that girl.” She nodded knowingly, with her eyes closed.
Suddenly, a shrill whistle sounded. A badly pixelated, diminutive mailman marched across the screen; so terribly and choppily animated was he, just like the video game characters of yore. He handed Chibi Mallet Girl a small, white envelop, tipped his hat, and then marched off the screen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)