Axion Plus City. Studiotown. Building 85. The popular retro game show “Beat the Nerds” was about to begin.
The game show studio was comprised of a semi-circular stage set on one side of a large, warehouse-like room; there were no chairs, the audience being expected to stand and cheer the contestants on.
The stage itself was made of three parts. A five-tiered dais on the right side where the show's nerds stood and waited to be challenged by the contestants to a battle of wits and memory. Three podiums for the game contestants on the left side of the stage. And the central part of the stage for the game show host and his sexy assistants.
“Welcome, everybody, the game show host greeted the studio audience and TV viewers alike, making doubly sure that the camera was getting a shot of his good side, “to BEAT! THE! NERDS!”
With great enthusiasm and excitement, the audience shouted out the show's name with him and all together, they emphasized each word with a fist punch into the air.
The game show host was garbed in the voluminous and colorful robes of the Rainbow King from the old cartoon series “The Daimyo and I”, his big, fat, but perferctly coiffed hair a matching accessory to his costume. Like the host, most of the audience were in costume, dressed as their favorite cartoon characters. All aspects of the animated world from the traditional hand-drawn classics to the computer-generated shows, from kiddie cartoons to adult-oriented specials, from American shows to Japanese anime. Why, there's Markey Mouse and his cutesy girlfiend Mammie Mouse. There's the ever-popular Arachnid-Boy and Bat Knight and Wonder Amazon and all the other super heroes and villains. There's Astro Kid and Grandeurizer and Mangazinger C and the Lunar Sailor Girls and all sorts of Japanese characters. There were even a couple of guys wearing Jimmy the Pedo Ferret costumes.
Several women appeared to be wearing the same costume, that of Mallet Girl, a local favorite and star of the on-going anime and manga Star-Crossed Mallets, first serialized in the hardware magazine KNOBS after the animated commercial of the Mallet Girl Delivery and Bountyhunting Services went viral a couple of years ago.
“I am Geraldo Blanco,” the game show host continued. “I will be your host this afternoon. And these,” he then said as he gestured with a flourish to the men and women standing on the different steps of the five-tiered dais, “are your Nerds!”
“Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds!” the audience chanted.
The Nerds, ranging from young to old, were all wearing identical black graduation togas and caps, but with each one bearing a different sash wrapped around the chest. All in all, there were twenty of them. There's the Science Nerd. And his little brother the Science Tech Nerd. And then there's the Math Nerd. And the Web Comic Nerd, the Super Hero Nerd, the Super Villain Nerd, the Star Trek Nerd, the Bond Nerd, and the Video Game Nerd. To name a few.
Geraldo paused and waited, just long enough for the cheers and applause to die down somewhat, then he turned and gestured to his right, at the three people standing at the podiums, swaying and moving their arms to the beat of the show's theme music playing in the background.
“Now give it up, folks,” he exclaimed in his marvelously practiced baritone, “for today's lucky contestants!” He pointed to first one and then to the next one and then to the last one, calling out their names in turn. “Mystical Lass Cutie Sammy! Her magical ears can hear an anvil drop a mile away! And next up, Alicia! Her Wondrousland Adventures get curiouser and curiouser! And last but certainly not the least, Mallet Girl! Axion P's very own! Delivery guaranteed or the breakage is free!”
The contestants were greeted with more cheers and applause.
Those were not their real names, of course, but rather the names of the characters they were cosplaying. Well, except for Mallet Girl; she was the real deal, the real McCoy, the genuine article, certified and true. She's the actual Mallet Girl, in person and, most indubitably, in the flesh. The studio higher ups, it seemed, had thought it a most novel idea indeed to have the real Mallet Girl participate in the show as one of the contestants, her real identity to be revealed at the end of the show. It truly was a great publicity stunt, the perfect way to promote the upcoming release of the much awaited Mallet Girl video game “From My Mallet With Love”.
In theory at least.
Mystical Lass Cutie Sammy was a sixteen-year-old girl, a high school student who transformed into a petite eight-year-old magical princess warrior of love and justice with a wave of her magical wand. The contestant wearing her costume however was far from being a high school student or a little girl. He wasn't even a girl but a frail, sixty-five-year-old man with a bushy mustache. He was garbed in the frilly lace dress typical of the magical princess fashion, a bright orange number with red trims and an over-sized laced ribbon set in the back. The dress was cut rather short though as was typical of the style, revealing the man's hairy legs and knobby knees, veins and all. And he had on a large, poofy, red wig, the signature coif of Cutie Sammy, and held in gloved hands a ribbon-swathed wand.
“Ho-ho-ho!” he cried out in a falsetto voice, raising his wand high in the air with both hands as his name was called out. “Evil-doers and dark-dwellers beware! For I am the light that showers the world with love and beauty! I am Mystical Lass Cutie Sammy!”
And with that, he wave his wand around with his right hand and performed a pirouette in imitation of Cutie Sammy's graceful, ribbon-swirling, magical transformation routine. He did the best he could. Such as it was. He was an old man, after all. To his credit, he did manage to keep himself from falling over.
As bad as his performance was, there was something even more terrifying about it all. Old man panty shot.
It seemed to matter little to the studio audience though. Unperturbed they continued to cheer and applaud with great enthusiasm and excitement. Well, it was written on the prompter screen after all and pie had been promised.
Alicia was the young, female protagonist of the classic, long-running adventure series Wondrousland Adventures, based on the children's book “Alicia in Wondrousland” and its sequel “Through the Bathroom Glass”. The contestant wearing her costume was quite the opposite of the old man. She was pretty true to the character with the one exception of age for while Alicia was a prepubescent girl, the contestant was a seventeen-year-old girl. She had beautiful, bouncy blond hair that reached down a couple of inches below the shoulder, held in place by a blue lace ribbon. She had on a light-blue baby doll dress, which she topped off with a lace-trimmed, white apron.
